Gender Bender

St. John Fisher College prides itself on being an institution that is geared toward diversity while offering various outlets for people to express themselves. Upon his entry in to Fisher in 2002, senior Matt Mendolera said the College wasn’t as open-minded about alternative ways of life as it is now.

Mendolera openly discussed the obstacles he has faced with his sexual orientation from the time he was five or six years old to present day. As a young boy, he had definite curiosities about gender roles and sexuality.

“I was sent to the principal's office in kindergarten for looking up a girl's skirt, and when my mom asked me why I did it, I answered, ‘I wanted to see what was up there,’” Mendolera said. “By the time I entered 6th and 7th grade, I knew that I liked other boys in my classes. I was sure that I was very different from a lot of my peers but if anyone on the bus called me ‘gay’ I was sarcastic with them and never denied it and just kind of thought about it to myself later on.

As a young boy, Mendolera didn’t deny his orientation but certainly wasn’t open about it. It may be difficult to face one’s dissimilarity especially if experiencing stigma from friends, family, and society, which gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) individuals inevitably come across.

According to Dr. Michael Herzbrun, coordinator of mental health services at Fisher, matters of human sexual orientation highly contribute to the development of a person’s identity, personal worth, growth, and maturity.

"When someone comes to the realization that he or she does like people of the same gender, depending on the person’s life situation, the person often experiences several, often conflicting emotions at the same time,” said Herzbrun. “They may ask themselves questions like, ‘In what unknown ways is this going to change my life? Who are the people who will stand by me?’”

At the time, Mendolera wasn’t quite sure how to identify himself and was nervous about the outcome if he were to disclose his attraction to the same sex.

Upon entering high school, he had problems identifying with his peers.

“I didn't feel ‘gay’ because I dated a girl on and off for five years and I knew that I loved her and was attracted to her. I was very confused about it all.”

In time he figured out that sexuality didn’t have to be black or white, and eventually identified himself as a bisexual.

“I decided that I wanted and needed to explore more relationships with guys,” Mendolera said.

He soon realized that he gravitated emotionally and sexually toward men.

“When I was figuring this all out, I was also adjusting to life as a new college student and at the time the Fisher environment wasn’t a friendly one for GLBT people on campus. I felt judged and un-welcomed due to the fact that strangers would shout 'fag' in the residence halls.”

Despite the backlash from students, Mendolera eagerly involved himself with FisherPRIDE, and became vice president of the group by his second month at the College.

He wasn’t the only one getting negative reciprocation.  Hate e-mails were sent to FisherPRIDE saying its community was sinful, horrible and unwanted. As the negativity continued, Mendolera envisioned transferring to a different college where there was obvious diversity and open-minded people. He was serious about changing schools until something he had fought for throughout the academic year finally became a reality.

“All year long we had struggled to have a drag show on campus,” he said. “At first it was a fun idea, and then it became very important, very symbolic. We wanted to open doors and prove to everyone that we could push boundaries and make fun of stereotypes and really open people's eyes, and we wanted to do it in a very noticeable way.”

When we finally had the event, it was a huge success, drawing in a crowd of over 500 and resulting in so much positive feedback that we were all overwhelmed with emotion.”

Drag show participants and attendees felt a sense of unity in a world where GLBT individuals had felt like outcasts, and Mendolera didn’t want to leave that behind.

            Following the drag show he noticed a genuine change take place on campus and an opportunity for the GLBT community to grow at Fisher. He quickly changed his mind about transferring and the following year he became a resident assistant (RA) with hopes to help other students have a better experience than he did.

"I feel like I’ve done so much personally for other GLBT people on campus, but really what astounds me is how much we’ve accomplished together,” Mendolera said. “The community that I’m leaving here is an entirely different one than what I came into and I’m really proud of that.”

If a person’s sexual orientation is geared toward someone of the same sex, then his or her ability to live their lives accordingly becomes progressively more difficult.

“College students may find that the questions regarding their own personal worth and value could become especially crucial when ‘who we are’ is seen in conflict with ‘what society wants us to be,’” said Herzbrun.

When a person is ready to divulge his or her sexual identity, then he or she experiences several, often conflicting emotions at the same time.

“There can be feelings of relief, excitement and hope coupled with a sense of confusion and some degree of fear,” Herzbrun said.

As with Mendolera, until he realized that he was most interested in the male gender he experienced great confusion when attracted to both sexes.

            It’s not at all uncommon for college students to openly express and explore their sexual orientation or gender identities.

Erik Libey, gay health coordinator at AIDS Rochester Inc., said college students are exposed to a richer diversity of humanity that can open their eyes to the world around them and within themselves. A sense of empowerment comes with the college experience, as most students are using this time to venture away from the comfort of their family lives and discover a sense of self.

            So what does GLBT mean? The terms gay, lesbian and bisexual define who a person is sexually, emotionally and romantically attracted to.

“Basically it’s who you love,” said Libey.

The terms transgender and transsexual recognize gender identity which is not necessarily linked to sexual orientation or attraction. Libey added that most people are familiar with the term “transvestite,” but the designated community uses the term “crossdresser” in reference to people who identify with their birth sex but have a gender expression that is in some way different and may include dressing in opposite gender clothing

By Claire Marren
cmm9031@sjfc.edu