The Birth of Buttermilk Ranch Chicken

It seems like just an ordinary day, sitting in the freezer with my other 4 oz. fresh chicken breast friends, discussing our dream of one day showing off our modeling talent. As the door opens and the light turns on, all I can think is “Pick me, pick me.” Sure enough, it is my lucky day! One of Bon Appétit’s staff members is kind enough to pick me, and yes, you guessed it, it’s bath time!
As I am smothered with the latex gloves in an act as if they wish to kill me, they continue to run me under water, cleaning my skin as if they thought I was dirty. If the smothering and attempt to drown me isn’t enough, they have to add a knife into the routine. I suppose the knife isn’t the worst part, for all they do is trim off my fat and cartilage, something others can only dream of.
Now that I am skinny and beautiful, I go to the spa for my massage and facial. The slimy feeling of buttermilk, red hot sauce and ranch dressing covering my body gives me the chills, the perfect massage if you ask me. They seem to cover all of the basics, including making sure that my skin is refreshed by leaving me overnight in the dark, cold refrigerator, marinating in the three sauce combination.
You can consider me crazy, but I always enjoy a refreshing night’s rest in the fridge. As a fresh face wakes me up  abruptly with the bright light, I am ready to visit the make-up artist. These lovely helpers fluff me with a combination of flour, Cajun spice, salt and pepper. This brings me to the second essential for a model to engage in: tanning. I am ready for the sun; bring on the heat. They take me to the deep fryers for a quick flash fry to crisp me up; now I’m awake.
But this is the best part. All of the Fisher students are coming. That means it is time for my pampering and final touches; no model can present herself on the runway without covering all of the basics. Into the 350º oven for 8-10 minutes I go to make sure my pink inside becomes perfectly warm and white, ready to eat.
I am ready for the runway! Thanks to the Bon Appétit staff and the behind the scenes creator and executive chef, Tim Williams (I prefer to call him Chef Tim), I get to make my debut to the 950-1200 Fisher students that I am certain will pick me.
If I wasn’t special enough, Chef Tim gives the students the option of what accompanies me on their plate. The choice of homemade spicy ranch dressing is my favorite, but others prefer barbeque sauce, ketchup or just the normal lettuce and tomato. Sometimes I prefer to stay away from the buns and hop into some lettuce for a crisp and light relaxation; some just call it a vacation.
Without bragging, I agree with Chef Tim that I am “one of the most popular entrées that we have.” I was told that the last time a buttermilk ranch chicken sandwich was picked by Kelly Powers, all she could say was, “buttermilk chicken sandwiches are what I live for here at SJFC.”
Today is my day, my dream come true, finally get to model, show off my crisp outside and soft inside. I am the most famous sandwich  of the day. But if you ask me, when I win the best entrée of the year award, I will be sure to thank the Fisher students, my parents of course for my good looks, and especially the chefs; without them I wouldn’t be here today, wouldn’t have a modeling career, and definitely wouldn’t be the most asked-about sandwich on campus.
How to Eat Your Buttermilk Ranch Chicken Sandwich
Cut up into your salad
Classic tomato and lettuce
Good old-fashioned ketchup

Drizzled with spicy ranch dressing

By JANESSA DAMICO
jad7997@sjfc.edu